It’s come to the point where I genuinely believe that Instagram controls my life. I’d liked to tell you I really didn’t care when something didn’t match my theme or that I only got 80 likes on my picture but I can’t. I’m 21 years old and it’s got to the point where my mental well being is genuinely affected by someone double tapping on a picture of me. It’s a slow burning realisation I’ve had for a while, as I came to understand that I was getting far too paranoid about everything I post. And not just what I post, but who liked it and more importantly who didn’t like but liked the post before AND after mine meaning they 100% definitely saw it and CHOSE not to like it probably because they hate me and want me AND everyone else to know and they’re using Instagram to make this outward bold statement and everyones going to see that THEY didn’t like MY post but they should but they’re definitely online because I just saw them like 3 of Alexis Ren’s posts…….
Maybe you’re starting to understand why me and Instagram really did need to go on a break.
So I woke up this morning and yep, 10 minutes in I slipped. It’s actually become a sickening habit for me to reach for my phone every morning and scroll aimlessly through Instagram for an hour. So yeah, basically in my groggy-not-quite-sassy-Becky yet state I opened the app. Sickeningly didsapointed by my ‘mere’ 110 likes of my latest post, I decided to bite the bullet and delete the app. I was already in a bad mood.
My bad mood was already in full swing this morning by the fact that I had been dumped the night before. I was sad, I was confused and I was wishing I could be scrolling through Instagram to take my mind off it. In times of heart break, anything is good to get your mind off it however without Instagram I didn’t have the psychotic ex thought to look and see if he had liked any other girls pictures. Nor did I have to see pictures of other couples being happy, him being happy or convince myself that everyone else was living a seemingly perfect life. In hindsight, it was probably a very helpful decision that I couldn’t run to Instagram when I hurt. However, I was now bored, lonely and without any sassy memes to make me laugh.
Tuesday eve: I’m more annoyed I don’t have Instagram because I can’t stalk photos of fit girls that I will try to recreate after my post break up glow up
Today my need to use Instagram for what it’s actually meant to be used for was tested. I did something really cool at Uni that I was desperate to put on my story. However, instead I sucked it up, put my phone away and probably had a better time doing it instead of documenting it. However, without the thought of Instagram I didn’t even take a simple picture to remember the moment. Maybe this was the start of realising that you can take pictures just for memories and not to show them off to other people.
My busiest day at uni, with lots of boring lectures to sit through and wish I was scrolling through Instagram. As the day progressed I was more shocked at how many times me and my friends sat down at a table with one another and just sat on our phones instead of speaking. Needless to say I just spoke to myself as their eyes were all glued to their screens.
I JUST WANT INSTAGRAM TO STALK OOTD’s FOR INSPIRATION OF WHAT TO WEAR ON MY DATE
The real test was how to amuse myself for my 2 hour train journey. Aimlessly scrolling through insta would take up most my day, and also drain my phone battery a ridiculous amount. However, this time I sat there. And I read my second book in the week after years of not reading. Did you know John Green still writes books?!
The day finally came. I could re download the app. Opening up my screen to a fair few more messages and lost likes thAn I would’ve thought, I instantly checked to see if a certain celeb I’d met in the week had indeed follow me back like she said- she had. And then ? Well I started scrolling, and I literally felt sick. I didn’t want to look at any of these pictures anymore and get sucked back into seeing who had liked them and all the unsaid politics that comes with Instagram. I was off the app within seconds.
I’m really glad I did this challenge. Not only has my heavily needed addiction been temporarily cured I’ve realised what I liked to use Instagram for- inspiration. Seeing how other people framed their worlds and see what they were creating it. I wasn’t craving seeing my friends having a good time without me, or the approval of others on my own photos but I missed seeing the world through other peoples eyes.
Maybe after doing this challenge I’ll see insta different. I’m excited to see how the app slowly works its way back into my life, although the thought of doing my first post again is making me feel sick.